Beautiful Frustration

I know it is hard to take me seriously most of the time (I mean after all, my blog WAS called juicy for ya), but believe it or not I do contemplate semi-deep things sometimes. Here is the latest.



Yesterday I was sitting in our conference room at work, pulling staples and talking to another one of the student workers. She is really funny and easy to talk to, but it's pretty clear that she is not a believer. As it so happens my good friend Josh Hans has been working at this office for about the past year. Over that time he has gotten to know the other student worker which is convenient because when I run out of things to talk about, I can tell goofy stories about Josh. Not really even thinking that this would lead to meaningful conversation, I said something about how I really couldn't imagine Josh in India (not downing Josh at all, just a hard connection in my head). Anywho, this led us to talk about the moral dillema of sending missionaries to countries where Christian missionaries are illegal, and the purpose of missionaries, and kind of what I feel like I have been called to. It was so cool. I for the first time had the courage to talk to someone one on one (I have talked to people that are hostile to Christianity before, but its always been in a group or with a partner or something) and not back down from my beliefs. It felt really good! Just when I was feeling confident that this conversation was really going somewhere neat, I asked her if she went to church here in College Station (as more of an opening to invite her to come with me more than anything)... silence is all I got. She started fidgeting and acting aloof. Shut Down.



I felt really uncomfortable after that so I aborted the Christian conversation and started talking about something a little less eternal. Chicken move? Probably, but I just didn't know what else to do.



I went home and talked to Jordan about it, and I talked to Jennifer about it some this morning (which was awesome, Jen you're a baller) and realized how amazing it was to be frustrated about that. I was a little peeved at myself that I let that opportunity slip away, but then I realized that I have the whole summer here with this girl. Hopefully one day isn't going to be the only time I have a legit conversation with her. It felt so amazing to not be frustrated about how long work seems, or how bad the traffic is at five o'clock. I was frustrated about something meaningful. It was really a great thing because it caused me to realize that I need more meaningful in my life.



I was sitting on Chad's bed the other night just talking to Bill about girls, but it wasn't one of my normal girl conversations. I mean we weren't analyzing women from the Bible and reading awesome scripture to each other or anything, but it had a Godly spin to it. That little of conversation was the most amazing thing thats happened to me in a month. Thanks Bill.



I'm really working on trying to be myself, and I don't think I'm going to be able to do that on my own (I know that sounds like a retarted comment)... I'm realizing that I really need to invest my time and effort into legitimate people that can invest in me and I am truly excited that God is opening up opportunities for that to be accomplished as of late!